Why You Should Never Eat Bacon Before a Blood Test

There are things every adult should know. Here is how I learned a lesson that I should have learned years ago.

For several days I had discomfort in my back in the area where I imagine my kidneys hang out. The discomfort turned into a dull ache. Instead of working I found myself lying in bed for a few minutes trying to get some relief. As I laid there I imagined what my life would be like as I headed down the path toward needing a kidney transplant. Crazy thoughts ran through my head such as how would I get to the dialysis center and would anyone in my family be willing to give up a kidney for me? Maybe I should just skip treatment and go on to my heavenly reward. I have insurance. My family would be fine.

The path to death's door started with an abnormal number showing up on my blood test results from my yearly physical. The nurse from the doctor's office told me over the phone that I needed to repeat the test to make sure it was a fluke. And, if I received the same results on the second test, the doctor would refer me to a specialist.

As I waited for the results from the second test, the discomfort and pain started. I did not tell my family. I decided I would handle this one like a man, a rarity for me.

After a couple of weeks I received another call from the doctor's office. The second test came back normal. Ironically my kidney pain disappeared soon after. I realized that my symptoms were psychosomatic and, maybe, gas pains.

When I called to schedule the first blood test I misunderstood the instructions. I swore the nurse said I could eat something for breakfast since they weren't testing me for glucose level issues. I translated her instructions to mean it was okay to eat bacon. Apparently it wasn't.

That's why you should never eat bacon before a blood test.

Storms of Life

When I told people we were moving to Florida, I often received two questions – what are you going to do about your job? And what about hurricanes? I had my job situation under control, but storms were a different issue. I would usually give some lame answer about how we would just leave the coast if, and I would stress if, we ever got hit by one. Honestly, I never gave hurricanes much thought.

And of course a hurricane formed and was projected to hit us within a couple of weeks of us settling into our rental unit. I had never spent any time researching hurricanes, but I quickly got up to speed enough to know to be scared. I spent time I should have been working refreshing web pages showing the latest projected tracts over and over and over. I also wondered what I had gotten my family in to.

In the middle of the hurricane stress my wife’s grandmother became seriously ill. While my wife and my daughter drove back home to spend time with her, I spent the weekend trying my best to protect the boxes stored in the garage of the rental unit and making attempts at trying to protect electronics and valuables inside our home. 

And I prayed. I prayed often; not quite unceasing, but I prayed a lot. I prayed for the Lord to send the storm elsewhere. I was certain other people really needed the rain.

My wife came home with a heavy heart due to her grandmother's prognosis. The storm didn't care. It continued to take a path toward us. We made plans to leave. Trying to anticipate various scenarios we made multiple hotel reservations, each further away from the previous. And we packed up.

And then my prayers were answered and the hurricane's path shifted away from us. 

I really did not want to take any chances having two small children so we spent two nights in a hotel off the beach. While the kids drove the wife crazy in the room I worked in at the hotel bar each day. I never received any tips.

While at the hotel we did receive news that we were going to receive an offer on our home. We did not want to get our hopes up due to a soft real estate market and having gotten our hopes up in the past.  And, really, of all the times I expected to get an offer, I never expected to get one while riding out a hurricane. The timing was surprising.

On the morning of the third day we went back to our beach home. After unloading the car I walked over to check out the ocean. Huge waves were crashing near the top of the dunes. I told my wife that if someone ordered me at gunpoint to walk into the water, I would take my chances with the bullet. The power of the waves was indescribable. Just three days before the water smooth and blue. Now the ocean was angry. Seeing the raw power of just the very edge of a category one hurricane reinforced the power of nature. I felt small and powerless. 

I do not know why we got threatened by a storm so soon after moving. Maybe God was trying to humble me or prepare me for future events. I do not know why the storm went elsewhere. I doubt it had much to do with my prayers. I am sure people in other places were praying just a fervently. 

The one constant during that entire time was a feeling deep down that everything was going to be okay. I had moments of doubt and fear, moments of sadness, and moments of joy. In the end all of it was out of my control except for deciding how I was going to deal with it. Maybe we get storms as reminders of these things. Maybe storms just happen for no reason.

Regardless, we had survived our first hurricane. Hopefully, it would be the last one.